Ok so I'm still enjoying an emotionless life and loving it. Busy almost everyday with my best friend and its great to be able to share interests, movies and food together. I suppose there could be a few things that I'd like improved but hey nobody is perfect!

A strange thing has happened in the last few days. For starters I don't expect to hangout all the time but now after a day or so I'm feeling ignored. It all comes down to getting a surprise text from someone old. Someone I dated, liked and who I enjoyed being with. It was great to catch up and strange thing is it caused a crack in the emotion wall. It made me really want to have someone care about me and show me that they care. I forget that sometimes my problem with things really boils down to me never getting the right kind of attention. The kind where even for a few minutes life seems perfect. That I am the most beautiful person in the world and can do no wrong. Normally my life is bombarded with opinions and criticism and it would be nice to just have a moment where all that disappears and everything falls into place.

This other guy is not someone who would turn into anything because there is too much missing. I want him, my best friend, the one person I love and yet the one person in the world who doesn't seem to want me like others do. How is that fair? Oh wait I forgot life wasn't fair.

Now I have to regroup and get things back to where they were. Lately my mind has gotten all jumbled with wanting someone to be with and I'm not going back to needing that. Especially since there is truely only one man I want. So I'm ready to go back to being my controlled self!