A Brief History

We met 3 1/2 years ago and from the very beginning I knew he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. What started out as friends turned more physical and then some, then backed off to friends then a long pause about a years worth and then started again as a new kind of relationship. Yeah a very brief and vague history. But the problem in this story is that I have been in love with him from day one which has only turned into a deep, loving friendship and much more.

I won't lie, I have cried endless tears over this and many times been upset, confused and depressed. I've found that being in love can be great but also on the flip side the worst thing ever to happen to a person. It has taken a very long time to learn to control my feelings. Things have finally gotten better. In my head I've felt that things were more than friends way too long. Of one thing that I'm sure of is that we are friends, really good friends. He is my best friend. The more control and focus I have, only living in the now has made things so much better to deal with.

We restarted our friendship again only months ago and there have been so many wonderful times spent together. But there is a slight problem that has made it hard to stay as the objecive friend. With him having a child it has added an extra element. How we hang out, interact and do things, very much mirrors a family and a couple. It can blur the friend line, at least in my mind. So with all the effort I have, I've stopped analyzing what goes on, reading between the lines and making something out of nothing. Now the real friendship can begin.

But enough of some of the past issues this is the new us. There are many wonderful past memories especially in the last 6 months and so many more to come. Hopefully all things will work out for everyone. Either we will be single, happy friends forever or perhaps one day we will end up together.

For now I am happy with how my life is going and where we are as friends. He adds so much happiness to my life that I am grateful for what our friendship brings to me.

To start...

I feel the need to express the thoughts and feelings that are constantly running through my mind. Something I'm not good at is actually speaking them, so in an attempt to be more open I am sending it out through the universe via blogging.

I'll need to start at the beginning with the basics and a history of things. But since turning 28 there has been so many changes I feel now is a good time to have new beginnings and free myself from all the things complicated.

With all things past and present the main one is living with a broken heart and maybe prehaps trying to heal it.

With this blog I want to share my feelings and add a few good lyrics to help convey my message. I think that music has an incredible way of helping one understand life and the way it can can be full of both good, bad and everything inbetween.

So lets begin...