Good or bad I figured out how to be happy in my life. The only thing is I had to make a sacrifice in order for everything to be ok. Maybe its not a big sacrifice but maybe it is. I have always been someone who's emotions got in the way of life and have a tendency to mess things up. So after all these years I have managed to take all my feelings and emotions and lock them away. Surprisingly it actually worked and the aftermath has left me clear headed and very happy. I'll admit that if I thought hard enough I could let those feelings out, but even looking at them makes me instantly sad and depressed. So I chose to keep them shut away, maybe that will come back and bite me later but for now I'm just enjoying the happy parts.

On a side note things are going really well with him. But we are now definitely in the friends zone. Not that its a bad thing because we talk and hang out like everyday. Plus we have created a good and trusting relationship. Really not sure any other woman could actually put up with him but mostly I can deal with it. We are best friends for life, but I also hope that we can one day be more than just friends. Lately though he makes comments about other people looks and really I'm like the opposite of everything he likes. It sometimes makes me feel ugly, fat and undesireable. I know that's not what I am, cause I'm awesome in so many ways I just wish I felt I compared to what he seems to like. I want him to be attracted to me and not just in a friends way. But I keep all the feelings out of the picture and I can enjoy the moment and time spent together without feeling overwhelmed or upset. For now happy and going with that!