Intro

I have several dilemas to discuss. First I was seeing someone who I was intimate with and really thought things were going to somewhere. Of course I was being my own worst enemy and overthinking everything, so I decided to enlightment myself and read up on dating. After reading I've realized my entire dating life has been done wrong and that I need to switch roles when I do date. That being said with bp I've realized I don't know for certain if he is seeing someone else but I've decided that it doesn't matter. Yes I'm disappointed and sometimes sad that we were together and it didn't mean to him what it meant to me. But I can only control myself and not what other people want or feel. Now I see that its just a matter of going with the flow and be friends. When the pressure of a relationship and dating increasing I seem to lose myself and can't act as normal as I'd like. So now I'm trying the I really like you , but I'm going to play it cool and start as the just friends role. Strangely ever since I've decided to act more like a friend the more attention I've gotten. That could mean one of two things. He only wants to be friends and now that the pressure is off him he can be more chill about it. Or two he likes you and is again taking the role of pursuer because I've backed off.

With this new direction I've also put myself back into the dating game. It's going surprisingly well and it helps to keep my mind off someone else. But with all my newfound knowledge I'd like to try out my new approach to dating. Here is some things I've already found. First I have all the power and with that I've seen better control of not caving in to things I don't want to be apart of. One problem is even though I tried I can't seem to figure out how to not kiss someone I've just met. This last time I really tried to not kiss and pretty much I just felt bad because I knew that's what the guy wanted really badly so I caved in, even though I had said I was trying something different. Thing was once he kissed me and it was bad that ended it. The interest was completely killed by then, so lesson learned. With the upcoming dates I want to continue trying new ideas to get to know guys and see what happens.

Sadly I still ride out some hope that bp will work out because he still tops as the best guy I've ever known and is really what I want. But then far back in my mind I still wonder if there could be someone else out there for me. Guess I'll have to see and for me its near impossible to stay optimistic about things but maybe one day my dream will come true.....

Changes

Many things have been changing in my life so I'm here to use this as an outlet to talk about boys without any opinions or inputs from others. I need to be able to focus on all my questions and concerns without getting advice from others that makes me question myself. This is going to be an exercise of learning to deal with relationships and everything else in my life in a safe, no judgement environment.